Sins Of A Solar System - Chapter 9


By Falcon - 09-07-2009

Stars. The small shiny dots more mysterious than any ancient ruin on Earth and more lustrous than the purest gold. They had always been there, for Accolon. In the sky day and night, on his journeys and now on his job. He felt a relation with them similar, he guessed, to the relationship between a pet owner and a dog or a cat. They were faithful companions, always there, always watching, and one day he would join them, but for now, they merely lit his way across the vast espanses of space.
    He was back in the cockpit trying to think on too many things at a time. Who had betrayed them? Were they going to survive? What would the future be like? The chain of throughts was immense.
Heralded by the floor opening beside him, the elevator chair appeared again, but this time it did not contain Harwyn, but the grand admiral, whos unforgetable name was Cundrie. At first she just stared out at the stars, as the time slowly passed in awkward silence. Then suddenly:
    ”I am sorry that I didn’t accept your suggestion of betrayal. It was unproffesional, but I suppose it was due rank fever. Hard to avoid as an admiral, you know.” She made a half smile, then turned back to watch the stars. Accolon felt she had more to say, so he withheld his acceptance of the appology.
    ”Tell me about this person you are taking us to.” She had accepted his course of action. Following the pointless debate of treason, Accolon had proposed to take them to a person he knew and trusted. A person who could safely get them back to the fleet.
    ”His name is Paul Starlance-”
    ”An alliance boy?” Cundrie interrupted, and Accolon nodded. ”Why would he help the federation?”
    ”He’s a trekker, admiral,” Trekkers were the adventurers of the space age. The people who dared misfortune and brougt traveled far beyond the solar system, ever risking being marooned in deep space whith a broken ghost drive. Due to this risk, very few went out of communication range, and no official enterprises were commited among the stars. It was the land of the brave, the few. ”and soon-to-be my brother in law I believe.”
    ”Oh, so we need his ghostship?” She intentionally didn’t comment on the half hearted supressed sigh Accolon had let out after adding the last pjece of the sentence.He probably was a nice person, but a trekker nonetheless.
    ”Yes. A good thing my sister went along. Anway, with his ship we can reunite with the fleet without risking another race like this again.” Nodding, the admiral said:
    ”Very well, carry on then, captain.” There was no hint of scorn in the title when she uttered it, only a supressed respect. She went below deck again, leaving him alone.
Having a few hours to kill, Accolon brought up all collected data from the interceptor on his screens. It was indeed an imperial interceptor class frigate, and an especially vicious one, having more missile ramps than the standard issues. That spoke of personality. A captain with tastes. Images of the ship also displayed a costumized vessle colour, with bone white stripes along the sleek hull above the usual dark imperial grey, making the impression of exposed ribs along the craft. A few zoom-ins uncovered the ships name. Star Wraith. A captain with frightening tastes. A few more minutes of observing the ship contributed to confirming his growing suspicions about the enemy captain. The Star Wraith was in prime condition. No sleazy hull repairs, no weapon ramps out of use. Nothing. This was a captain who knew his trade, and it gave Accolon a bad feeling about the enitre venture. Only one thing cheered him up. The captain had made a mistake in the chase, but in his guts he knew what would happen. The Star Wraith would show up again. Sooner or later. It would show up again, and Accolon was alone in his cockpit. Alone with the stars, who lit his path across the solar system.

Chapter Rating: 2.3
Index
Sander
SysOp
37 Forum Posts
49 Comments
#109-07-2009 14:43:07 
Getting essay-ish.
Du bør måske arbejde en lille smule på grammatik og slåfejl i den første halvdel af afsnittet. Altid er historien den vigtigste, men et eller andet sted får lidt mange fejl det til at føles en lille smule dårligere, selvom det egentlig ikke burde betyde noget. ;)

(Tag det endeligt ikke som, at du skal prioritere grammatik og stavning over historiens udvikling. Nye afsnit er stadigvæk meget værdsat fra min side, men hvis du en dag skulle få lyst at forbedre, og ikke har nyt materiale til historien, så tror jeg på, at det vil kunne øge den samlede kvalitet.) ;)
Falcon
Artist
34 Forum Posts
65 Comments
#209-07-2009 17:55:40 
Ja ja, men korrekturlæsning komemr virkelig til at hænge en langt ud af halsen når man har redigeret 1½ romaner:P Men jeg skal da forsøge at gøre mig lidt mere umage i de kommende afsnit.
Sander
SysOp
37 Forum Posts
49 Comments
#309-07-2009 18:06:18 
Det er ikke så slemt, men det kommer lidt i bølger. Lige i dette afsnit synes jeg, at det står lidt værre til i den første halvdel, end generelt i historien. Det er bare det.

Jeg tror nu, at korrekturlæsning ikke er så slemt endda, at gøre imellem man skriver. Så får man jo også lige genopfrisket hele historien, som den nu står skrevet. ;)

(Ikke at jeg har været alt for god til at følge det råd endnu.)
Falcon
Artist
34 Forum Posts
65 Comments
#409-07-2009 21:17:06 
^^


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